LAME INC

Delightfully Tacky Yet Refined

We are LAME INC. We make things that shouldn't exist but absolutely must. Art meets absurdity meets commerce meets chaos. We wield creative power competitive with corporations, celebrities, and the algorithm overlords. Welcome to the beautiful mess.

⚠ WARNING: CONTENTS MAY CAUSE EXISTENTIAL QUESTIONING ⚠

Pandemic Babies

A generational study disguised as a dating app. What happens when an entire cohort of humans enters the world during global chaos? We're finding out.

Coming Soon

Real Rangefinder

The world's most honest camera. Takes photos but only of things within a 6-foot radius of genuine human connection. Most shots come out blank.

Coming Soon

Rocher Roulette

Luxury chocolate Russian roulette. 11 golden Ferrero Rochers, 1 filled with wasabi. Perfect for board meetings and first dates.

Live

Billy The Bum

AI-powered homeless simulator. Experience income inequality from the comfort of your Tesla. All proceeds go to actual Billy (location pending).

Coming Soon

Times Up

A watch that only shows the time you have left. Based on actuarial tables, lifestyle choices, and your last Instagram post. Motivational nihilism.

Coming Soon

Pretty Tools

Hammers encrusted with Swarovski crystals. Screwdrivers dipped in 24k gold. Because your garage deserves to be fabulous too.

Live

Manson's Rib

The world's most controversial BBQ sauce. Recipe "inspired by" a certain cult leader's favorite marinade. Legal disclaimer: Contains no actual human.

Coming Soon

Frankenstein Toy

Build-your-own monster kit using parts from recalled toys. Each creature is unique, terrifying, and probably violates several safety regulations.

Coming Soon

Golden Fortune Cookie

$500 cookie containing either life-changing wisdom or your credit card information printed on rice paper. Fortune favors the bold (and wealthy).

Live

President Evil

Political horror game where every candidate is literally a zombie. Vote for the lesser evil or get eaten by democracy. Surprisingly realistic.

Coming Soon

Humanhood of the Traveling Hoodie

One hoodie. 1000 people. 365 days. Track its journey as it experiences the full spectrum of human existence. Sweat stains tell stories.

Coming Soon

Nice Crispy Treat

Rice Krispies treats but every kernel is individually wrapped in sustainable packaging. Takes 3 hours to unwrap. Meditation through frustration.

Coming Soon

Michelin Lunch

5-star dining experience served exclusively in tire shops. White tablecloth, foam nitrogen, and the gentle scent of rubber. Reservation only.

Live

Notta Pyramid

MLM scheme that's completely transparent about being a pyramid scheme. Honest exploitation. Finally, a business model with integrity.

Coming Soon

Divorce Drone

Autonomous quadcopter that delivers divorce papers while playing "I Will Survive" at maximum volume. Includes tissue dispenser attachment for tears.

Coming Soon

Anxiety Aquarium

Fish tank where all the fish have generalized anxiety disorder. Watch them overthink everything while you project your own neuroses onto marine life.

Coming Soon

Ghost Kitchen Kitchen

Restaurant that only serves food cooked by the spirits of dead chefs. Reservations require a Ouija board. Yelp reviews are channeled through mediums.

Coming Soon

Micro-Macro Economics

Stock market for bacteria. Trade E. coli futures and invest in probiotic startups. The only exchange where insider trading involves actual insiders (your gut).

Coming Soon

Procrastination Nation

Social media platform where you can only post things you should be doing instead. Scroll feed = instant guilt. Engagement through avoidance.

Coming Soon

Honest Horoscopes

Astrology that tells you the brutal truth. "Mercury is in retrograde, but really you're just bad at texting back." Cosmic accountability.

Coming Soon

Breakup Box

Monthly subscription of your ex's belongings that they "forgot" to pick up. Includes passive-aggressive note explaining why they kept each item.

Coming Soon

Influencer Rehab

12-step program for recovering content creators. Learn to experience moments without documenting them. Step 1: Admit you're powerless over the algorithm.

Coming Soon

Cancel Culture Culture

Petri dish experiments where bacteria cancel each other for problematic fermentation patterns. Watch microorganisms navigate modern accountability.

Coming Soon

Existential Crisis Hotline

24/7 support line that makes your existential dread worse. Professional philosophers ask increasingly uncomfortable questions about your life choices.

Coming Soon

Millennial Monopoly

Board game where you can never afford property, student loan debt increases every turn, and winning is defined as "emotional stability." Avocado toast not included.

Coming Soon

Therapy Therapy

Therapy for your therapist's therapist. Because someone needs to deal with all that secondhand trauma. Meta-mental health for the post-truth era.

Coming Soon

Analog Instagram

Physical photo albums that you have to manually carry to friends' houses to show them. Includes real-time comment cards and hand-drawn filter overlays.

Coming Soon

Weaponized Wellness

Self-care products designed to passive-aggressively improve your enemies' mental health. Send them meditation apps with your number blocked.

Coming Soon

Democracy Dice

Replace voting with literally rolling dice. Statistically equivalent outcomes, but at least we're honest about the randomness. Comes with conspiracy theory starter pack.

Coming Soon

Empathy Engine

AI that forces you to experience every perspective on controversial topics simultaneously. Guaranteed to make you understand everyone and agree with no one.

Coming Soon

Productivity Prison

Co-working space designed like a literal prison. Orange jumpsuits provided. Finally, an honest representation of hustle culture's relationship to human freedom.

Coming Soon

Sustainable Rage

Eco-friendly anger management using only renewable fury sources. Solar-powered screaming booths and compostable punching bags made from recycled disappointments.

Coming Soon

Truth Social Media

Platform where everything you post is fact-checked by your mom. Brutal honesty meets parental oversight. Your trauma is showing and she's concerned.

Coming Soon

Hipster Hospice

End-of-life care for trends that died before they were cool. Where forgotten indie bands and artisanal movements go to pass away with dignity.

Coming Soon